Over the edge: Three Phrases To Insanity

It is amazing how a few little words can effect your entire day. There are 3 things I here almost every day that completely drive me insane.

1. Is it done yet?

It's bad enough that my coworkers seldom have any idea what I'm working on. But when they feel the need to come in my office, lean over my shoulder as if they understand what is on the screen in front of them, and inquire "Is it done yet?". I always want to scream, "What do you think, does it LOOK like it is done yet?". Usually I either block them out with my incredible powers of concentration, or answer "Yes". I mean since they don't know anything about it how will they know if it is done or not.

2. Can you do me a favor?

This one goes way back to my first grocery store job. For the LOVE OF GOD, don't ever ask me that. If you need me to do something specific to my job, just tell me what you need done, don't ask me to do it as a favor. I remember working so many late nights at Farm Fresh because Roddy Williams came down stairs and asked for a favor. When the choice is do what I ask or you are fired, I don't consider that a favor.

3. That shouldn't take that long.

If you knew how long it was going to take chances are you would know how to do it. Since you don't know how to do it you are asking me. Therefore you don't know what your FREAKIN TALKING ABOUT!! So next time you tell me you want a "Favor" don't tell me how long it should take you don't know how long it will take you big freakin moron.

I think you can see why I'm slightly insane. If you have to deal with this kind of thing on a daily basis, give me a call I know a really good shrink.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Crazy Pills, The downward spiral of my life

    Crazy Pills

     Ok, so i am a pretty normal guy.  Well except for that whole thing where I thought everyone was laughing at me for like a year, but other than that I'm pretty normal.  Before I go any further let me just say that blogs are gay.  The only reason I'm doing this is because my coworkers won't freakin leave me alone.  I mean, for the LOVE OF GOD, how many times can you ask me about a freakin blog.  But I digress, Why you ask yourself would I name a post about a normal guy crazy pills.  I have to say it's because I am an ISP system administrator.

     No, more than that, because I am a TBI system administrator, and lets face it this position doesn't have a stellar track record when it comes to sanity.  I mean the two guys before me were not exactly well adjusted.  The first guy has the social skills of a sea anemone, and the second guy had a life goal of collecting every piece of porn on the internet.  So I guess when you look at it that way I'm ok, but by normal people standards I'm not quite right. 

Is it Done Yet?

     When I think back to what pushed me over the edge I can only think of a few specifics.  I think the first step toward insanity was the acceptance of a job for which I was totally unqualified.  When I took the sys admin job I had been working Tech Support for about a year.  I was completely unqualified to take on the job, but I was eager to please so I went for it.  Boy have things changed since then.  Now I have learned the awesome power of "It cannot be done".  Using this statement shields you from all work responsibilities, since they(my employers) don't really know if what they require is possible or not.  This gives me extra time to complete a project, and everyone is always super impressed at my ability to make the impossible, possible.  But like I said I didn't know that at the time.  So I immediately got to work on all the things my predecessor didn't do during his year long stay with us.  Here is where I made my first big mistake.  I completed that year's worth of tasks in about a week.  Now everyone was expecting me to actually get work done.  Fortunately I quickly figured out how to make it look like I was working hard while I was really just screwing around.  Again the bosses don't have any idea what I'm doing, mostly they are not even sure what they are doing.

     Unfortunately I was unable to hide my shining brilliance for long, and now I am constantly hounded by the BIG man.  Every day I hear the dreaded phrase 10 to 12 times, "Is it done yet".
This one phrase drives my IQ down 70 to 80 points, and changes me from Dr. Jekyl into Mr. Hide.  The general answer is "Yes", even if thats not strictly true, I mean who is going to check, in general my coworkers can't tie their shoes much less handle a complex web content management system(Web Page Builde for retards).  When they finally come back and ask why something isn't working I generally answer "Reboot your computer".  Strangely enough they actually fall for it about 80% of the time.

  TO BE CONTINUED....